I was watching a tribute to “the first rockstar chef” Gary Rhodes who died suddenly aged 59. Rhodes is credited with reviving respect for British cuisine in the 1980’s and rose to TV fame in the 1990’s. Back then, whilst he was a hot high chef , the only cuisine considered haute in the UK was French …. Rhodes changed all that and became a culinary and TV superstar. With his talent, his spikey hair, boyish good looks and huge yet natural personality he was a hit.
What does this have to do with pace and peace for the highly sensitive person you may ask?
This…..
His pace was legendary. His stamina too. We’re told he rose at 5:00am every day and put in an hour of push-ups before breakfast. He was meticulous, and tidy. He mentored, he trained, he wrote, he entertained. His cookbooks grace the shelves of other renowned chefs. He was phenomenal. He was celebrated all round. He was amazing …. And so the opposite of what works best for an HSP.
As I watched the program – with feet up on the sofa – I felt admiration and “that sinking feeling” in equal measure. As a highly sensitive person who needs plenty of time to “unplug”, rest and recuperate, how could I – or others like me – hope to achieve to the level he did, or command the admiration and respect accorded to the high achieving likes of Gary Rhodes? (Not that I envied his untimely passing ….)
Sure, he will be remembered and, ego notwithstanding, we all like to leave our mark – some legacy, some sense that we were here. He definitely cooked up a feast of memories and I had to admire all that he could do and he had done. And … I could feel a familiar internal chorus of disapproval bubbling up for those of us who cannot match his stamina and his pace. A sense that we are somehow lazy, good for nothing and a waste of space.
Fortunately I caught myself. I stopped. I re-calibrated. I reset.
I remembered that whilst “society” and culture might celebrate the high octane high achiever, it doesn’t mean curtains for the rest of us.
Being easily overstimulated and overwhelmed, we HSPs may have to march to a different pace. Or amble. Or run for a bit and then STOP to recover. We definitely need to know ourselves, our bodies, our systems – and make informed, discerning choices.
I know, it isn’t always easy. When all around us the culture shouts “Push! Push! Push!” – push on through and don’t stop till you drop – it can feel super challenging to push back against that.
The cost of not stopping, not pacing ourselves, however, is exhaustion, frustration, desperation. Shut down. And the daft thing is, the same result looms for even the non-highly sensitive. The HSP might reach breaking point sooner but the malaise of burnout and stressed out mental health pervades all strata of society. Self-harm, breakdowns, suicides, early deaths through strokes, heart attacks, diabetes and more strike even those who, on the surface, appear to have every advantage possible. How much more so then for the HSP.
Celebrating differences and allowing people to move at their own pace benefits all – HSP and non-HSP alike. It puts less stress on the immune system and leaves more room for resilience, creativity and life!
So what might this look like in practice? Honestly I’d say it’s different for each of us.
For some a slow and steady even pace may be perfect. For me, not so much … with a low boredom threshold I prefer shorter bursts of powerful, fast moving (but not manic) energy interspersed with rest and zone out to recharge. Sometimes that will mean being still and others it may mean dancing, painting, walking, cooking, drinking in the beauty of nature – physical movement that enables mental stillness and calm. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a little ADD – or simply HSS HSP (high sensation seeking HSP). No matter which or what – I like to mix things up and move when I can so I don’t get bored.
Mindfulness is important for HSPs – but if you find the traditional, classic sit still and focus on your breath method doesn’t work for you, I recommend you experiment to find something that suits you better. Maybe sing, maybe paint, maybe dance – maybe simply sway a little. Sometimes and for some people it’s necessary to move in order to be still. Being forced to sit and focus on the breath can reinforce trauma and if that is the case for you, don’t do it. There is no one-size-fits-all method for finding calm.
But if you move, then move at a pace that suits you ….I’ve noticed the comparison demons pop up in a Zumba class I attend. It’s the slower paced, lower impact Zumba Gold and, as someone who loves to dance and used to do salsa, I assumed I would find it super easy. But I’ve spotted people there who are older than me yet have more endurance. They’ve also been attending the class for a long time and the routines are already locked into their muscle memory. I’m very much a relative newbie!
Sometimes I have to slow down or stop – or leave the room for a while – even just to escape the music.
It’s easy to beat myself up about it. My brain fries and freezes when the pace and the volume get too much. Yes, I hate that it does that – but I’m learning to be kinder to myself.
I am a highly sensitive person – and it’s only a year since I finished radiotherapy …It can take two years to fully recover from that, let alone the chemotherapy and surgery that preceded it. If I need a break in the Zumba class nobody showers me with criticism. So why should I? I’m learning not to …
Sure, I can’t always sit still and I can’t always keep up. Things work best when I’m free (and allow myself) to move at my own pace. Sometimes that pace is fast and other times it’s far slower than it used to be. That doesn’t make me any less of a person …
Yep, our culture values speed. It can seem to value quantity over quality, impulsiveness over thoughtfulness. But remember the speedy don’t see what the HSP does. Looked at from that angle, it’s the speedy not so highly sensitive who can’t keep up! For every perceived and experienced HSP challenge and disadvantage there is an asset and advantage waiting to be discovered, uncovered, communicated and loved.
You see?
With love and sensitivity
Annie. February 2020