Are you allergic to hard work – or simply sensitive and need downtime …? If you struggle with stamina and didn’t have perfect parents, are you doomed fail – or can you triumph regardless?
I felt compelled to consider these questions again after watching Zimbabwe born Dr Tererai Trent interviewed by Marie Forleo. Dr Trent was born in Zimbabwe, married by 14 and become a mother of 4 by the time she turned 18. She endured poverty, abuse, working 3 jobs at a time and needing to raid garbage dumpsters to find enough food to feed her family. Yet she overcame all challenges over a period of two decades from an early life of limited access to education to moving to the US, gaining her PhD and becoming the successful social entrepreneur that she is today. This is one remarkable and inspiration woman. Phenomenal. I couldn’t fail to be impressed and held in awe.
Yet I felt triggered. As I watched and listened, questions came flooding in to my HSP brain. What if you can’t work 3 jobs at once? What if, despite passion, ambition and best intentions, sustaining that level of engagement would utterly overwhelm and possibly destroy you?
Our culture applauds grit and “hard work” – and denigrates downtime (whilst failing to see that even non-sensitives are drowning in ever increasing demands and no time to simply “be”) so, is an HSP who can’t – or doesn’t want to – meet those demands, doomed to fail?
Looking at the question that way feels hopeless and depressing and perhaps a more helpful question to look at is how can an HSP succeed on their own terms? And what does “hard work” really mean, anyway? What does hard work mean to you as an individual and unique HSP?
I am drawn back to memories of time on kibbutz when I was 18 or 19. I was working in the vineyards and had to untie each vine from its support, bend it round the post and walk back in the opposite direction, all the time with this very strong piece of plant life fighting my grip and threatening to whip itself back before I could reattach it to the support post on the other side. It was hard physical work in the hot sun on an 8 hour shift. Potentially dangerous yet a thrill and deeply satisfying. At that stage in my life, the physical hard work was no hardship. Mentally, the task was a breeze with no pressure to multi-task and or juggle competing demands. Hard work that was easy!
Another factor in Tererai’s ultimate success is that she comes from a line of inspirational women. Despite the baton of poverty and disadvantage being handed down through the generations, her grandmother and mother inspired her to believe that she could change the tide. Marie Forleo also speaks of how her mother taught her that “everything is figure-out-able.” Sadly, not everyone is blessed with encouraging parental input and we know from Elaine Aron how significant upbringing can be – particularly so in the fate of an HSP but that deserves a post of its own and I’ll write more this factor about it next time.
Meanwhile, if you have dreams to bring to fruition yet the call to “hard work” fills you with dread; if you struggle to sustain focus and physical or mental stamina, I hear ya. And I’d flag up that this notion of hard work is fluid and subjective and doesn’t have to stop you in your tracks.
It can be individually defined and filtered to make room for perspectives that allow hard work to be both out of bounds and totally okay. The key is to map out what you can abide and what you cannot. Where you might be flexible and where you will not. Your unique sweet-spots and lines in the sand. Boundaries and room for manoeuvre and growth.
Yes, a culture that sees “hard work” as the sole route to success might floor you. An inability to sustain said hard work might get you labelled as flawed. Developmental traumas can play havoc with self-worth. But none of that has to mean the end of your dreams.
If you’ve found connected with the NCHS (National Centre (or Center) for High Sensitivity you’re already on track for a more satisfying future. I’d also recommend learning all you can about trauma and how to heal it, about techniques such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique – aka Tapping) where you tap on acupressure points to alleviate pain, trauma, cravings and more, plus spend time in nature and cherish your inner world. And, if you can, invest in some counselling and/or coaching and mentoring to make the most of your precious, creative, rule-busting, delicious, delectable and highly valuable, highly sensitive soul.
With love and sensitivity
© Annie Wigman – March 2019
The irrepressible and inspirational Dr Tererai Trent and her book Awakened Woman are featured on Marie TV.
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