To laugh at yourself is to love yourself

To laugh at someone is to …??

When you can laugh at yourself and your little quirks, idiosyncracies and foibles, you can rest assured that you (finally?) accept and love yourself.

When the ones you love laugh with you, you can rest assured that they fully and unconditionally accept and love you.

When they laugh at you – what’s going on?

How often does it happen? What does your gut tell you? That they love to bully? That they are feeling hurt and defensive and lashing out because they can’t express and articulate what’s happening for them?

Are they frustrated? Are they having fun? Getting a kick out of kicking you down?

And how do you react? What is the impact on you? How hurt do you feel? How easy is it for you to ride it out? Water off a duck’s back or like sandpaper on a deep wound?

Can you tell the difference between what is affectionate teasing and what is bullying, abusive and demeaning?

— Where is the line? —

What evidence and proof do you need that you are lovely and that you are loved? Where do you look for it? Where do you find it? Where does it hide and reside inside yourself?

Rembember, to be able to laugh at yourself is to love yourself.

To have those you love laugh with you is to know that you are loved.

To be laughed AT is no joke.

What can you learn from it? I’d love to hear what you think and welcome your comments.

Happy 2012!!

© Annie Wigman

]]> http://www.anniewigman.com/to-laugh-at-yourself-is-to-love-yoursel/feed/ 0 http://www.anniewigman.com/in-what-in-whom-do-you-trust/ http://www.anniewigman.com/in-what-in-whom-do-you-trust/#comments Sun, 25 Sep 2011 15:20:30 +0000 admin http://www.anniewigman.com/?p=319 The ‘T’ word – Trust or Bust

It’s that time of year – a time when my Jewish upbringing pushes its way to the forefront. A time to reflect, a time to forgive and ask to be forgiven …

And a time to really get clear on who you are – what you care about – what matters to you. And when the chips are down (or up!) … and you’re facing challenge, confusion, struggle … and good times too …. I wonder

In What, In Whom to you Trust?

Whose word to you read? Whose counsel do you seek?

Does Trust require “Faith”? Does faith require Trust?

What do you need to help you take that leap of faith? And I mean a leap of faith of any kind – whatever your personal beliefs and non-beliefs – to do the thing that scares you – that thing, those things you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t.

Whose blogs and newsfeeds do you subscribe to? Who are you friends on Facebook? What pages do you Like? Who do follow on twitter? What magazines and papers do you read? What movies do you like? What food do you choose? What’s your favourite colour? What bugs you?

Who do you hang out with?

People who agree with you all of the time? People who can challenge your thinking? What does it take for you to trust someone? What does it take for you to trust yourself?

Most newspapers slant their stories in a way that will please their readers. And then so stoke things up they’ll have a columnist from the “other side” to provoke. It sparks debate – it gets people talking. It wakes people up. Things can get edgy. Uncomfortable – “dangerous” even.

But the papers trust their readers and the readers trust their papers …

Sometimes we get knocked off balance. Something happens. Somebody hurts us. Or we feel hurt whether that was their intention or not.

What does it take to get you back on track?

To recover your equilibrium?

As we head into a new year (in the Jewish calendar) I wish you a

Shanah Tovah u’Metukah

– a Sweet and Happy New Year

And I invite you to take time to get really clear about Who You Are and In Whom and In What do you Trust?

© Annie Wigman

Dancing into Action on Money

“Every time your don’t take action because of money, you feed the Money Monster”

Charmed Life Coach and Money Magnet Queen Morgana Rae said this to me and it struck a truly deep chord.

Fired up and ready to test it out, I went along to a new salsa course that was starting up. It’s not a drop-in class – it’s one where they teach in six-week blocks of classes and the money is to be paid all up front.

I love to dance – it feeds and caresses my soul. Keeps me feeling sexy and alive. But I’d let the salsa slip away in recent times. I even dropped out of an opportunity to be in a group that would perform a few years back. One of the reasons was money.

And here I was, knowing that I needed to reconnect with that saucy side of myself on the dancefloor – also knowing that it would be another week before I would have the money to pay the fee.

My heart sunk, my soul hung low, dragging slowly with noisy scraping sounds along the floor. “I can’t go” I told myself. “I can’t expect them to wait – to let me start the classes this week and only pay up next week… It is just too cheeky. A chutzpah trip too far …”

And Morgana’s words worked their way into my psyche … “every time you don’t take action because of money you feed the money monster ….”

So, I went along regardless. Feeling humble, a touch embarrassed – and yet determined. I spoke to the promoter and explained the situation. I offered to wait until the next 6 week block of classes – even though I really wanted, I needed to dance already that night.

The girl on the desk took me in to talk to the promoter. Luckily he remembered me from when I used to dance back in the day. “No problem he said. I know you … start the classes now and pay me next week …”

He checked my dancing level to see which class I should do – then took me back out to the registration desk and told them to sign me up and let me pay next time.

So he got a familiar face in his class and I got to dance away what had been a particularly troubled day of heartsore emotions.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not out to encourage a trend to delay when you pay. I’m simply want to illustrate how I found a way to stay in this instance. He could have sent me home but he didn’t and I will pay him this Thursday. Win Win.

I took a risk. I took action. It paid off. If I’d stayed at home in the land of “I can’t because …” nothing would have changed. What’s that saying? “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Money – or the lack of – gets in the way so often of so much. Especially if you let it.

I took a risk that enable me to dance – I gave myself Permission to be ME.

What step is next in your dance towards Permission to be YOU?

For more on Morgana’s Financial Alchemy click here.

Seductively yours

© Annie Wigman

Showing Up and Laying your Soul Bare

So I fell.

Yes, in more ways than one, I fell.

I love your boots she said. Thanks I said, they’re not new. But I was pleased she liked them and had noticed enough to comment. I love those boots. Black suede. Always give me that extra helping of confident sexy.

But the heels needed doing and I stepped unknowingly onto a rogue stone and my ankle gave way and I wobbled and I fell. In front of my guests. In front of these people who had never met me before and who I wanted to impress.

I fell.

I felt stupid, embarrassed, mortified, self-conscious – a failure. How undignified. How unprofessional. How NOT to create a great impression …

And I gathered myself together and I got up. Apologised profusely. Castigated myself for making a total tit of myself – and apologised again.

And this is what my guest and new pal told me:

“Was great meeting you and please don’t worry about falling – it defined the crazy energy around you from the start and only those who fall can enjoy the satisfaction of standing up again, if you know what I mean…”

I hadn’t been feeling great that day and I had almost been tempted to cancel. I could have played safe and cried off because I wasn’t on top form. But I decided to go ahead anyway. I decided, I chose, to risk it. And I fell. And I may indeed have made a total tit or myself …. and I know that they will never forget me and I’ve made at least one new friend.

Don’t go beige. Go for it! Take the risk!

The other week I was walking along and watching the traffic signals at the road ahead. Question … do I slow down to be certain that they won’t change to favour the traffic instead of pedestrians exactly as I’m ready to cross – or do I speed up a little and maybe I’ll get to cross before they change?  I was far enough away from the crossing for the outcome to be in doubt.

In a cynical mood, when looking ‘cool’ matters more than it should, I woul most likely have slowed down. But I was in optimistic “go for it” mode. I sped up and I got to the crossing in time. I didn’t have to wait. (Yeah I know patience is a virtue and sometimes it’s great to slow down – but that’s not the the moral of THIS story!)

I risked the possibility that I could look a little silly. That the lights might change against me just at that very moment when I was about to cross the road. Just as I was darting forward I would have had to pull back, retreat and try and make out that I wasn’t about to cross the road anyway ….  huh like you know when people try to board the Tube just when they’re saying “Mind the Doors – Stand Clear of the Doors!” – and the doors do indeed close just as they’re about to jump on – or when they’re half way on … and they look right idiots and everybody goes “tsk” or sucks their teeth  or ….

But sometimes they make it. Sometimes they get on. Sometimes you gotta risk not looking cool to get to where you want to be and what you want.

And sometimes you gotta stand up at an open mic performance poetry night and do your thing. And bare you soul. And connect. And reach out with your words. Reach out with your voice. Reach out with your body language. Reach out. Connect. Make them laugh. Make them feel. And revel in their thumbs up, in their laughter and their smiles.

You gotta RISK.

© Annie Wigman

We’ve all heard the saying: “Pride comes before a fall …” a cautionary tale against the excesses of haughty arrogance and hubris.

This is the downside of pride.

Then what happens after the fall …?

• After the season of humility and humble pie.
• After the learning and behavioural “regime change” ??

My hunch is that pride rises again …

…  and helps you to rise up like the phoenix.

• After the failing and falling.
• After the learning and new growth, pride comes to you aid and, instead of tripping you up, pride acts as your champion, lifting you up.

This is the upside of pride. Pride reclaimed, Pride rebranded.

This is not an invitation to be complacent. I’m not giving permission for hubris and arrogance.

This is an invitation to consider how pride can help you as much as it can hinder.

So, sure, Keep pride in perspective. Keep over-pride in check. And, Don’t knock pride to totally or too fast. Don’t blitz it into careless oblivion.

Pride may well come before a fall.

And pride may well be what helps you get back up again.

I’d love to hear your experiences of pride – how it’s got in the way and how it’s helped you on your way! Feel free to comment below.

Make me Proud!

© Annie Wigman

Especially in spiritual circles. Ego is bad. Ego is to be got rid of. Ego is to be edited out. ego is to be expunged.

And I want to speak up for ego …

U’m here to show you its ‘soft’ side, to show you its ‘good’. To to give you permission to give yourself permission to give ego a break and allow it to support you.

The word on Ego:

• So, ego is all about separation.
• Ego creates a ‘disconnect’.
• Ego sets you apart from the rest of humanity, from ‘life’ from spiritual ‘source’ (or whatever).
• Ego makes you greedy.
• Ego makes you hog the spotlight.
• Ego makes you selfish.
• Ego makes you inconsiderate.
• Ego strips you of a social conscience.
• Ego makes you vain, haughty, arrogant, dismissive, disdainful, ‘stuck-up’.

How many times have you been slapped in the soul with all this? I could make this list go on – and I’m sure you can come up with more negative connotations and associations for this much-maligned three-letter word.

You’re an individual right? You’re a unique, sensitive, wonderful, loving person. You maybe don’t always feel you fit in with the crowd. Maybe you rarely do.

You’re strong. You love to shine. And you want to belong. You radiate aliveness, energy, passion, compassion. You’re a fully self-expressed individual …… People ‘see’ you. Maybe you’re so distinctive that they really can’t miss you!

Sometimes that makes you feel great.

Sometimes it makes you feel alone. Misfit. Loser. No place to call home. No ‘tribe’ to belong.

So where is Ego now then?

• Good force?
• Bad force?
• Positive propulsion?
• Negative drain?

I invite you to go back to the top of this blogpost. Look at the picture. Really study it. How do you read it? What stuff does it trigger? What impact is it having?

Do you wanna shoot me down?

• Do you feel inspired?
• Do you feel looked down on?
• Do you feel enabled?
• My ego allowed me to have that picture taken.
• My ego allowed me to publish it on this blog.
• My ego allowed me to take the flattery and the flak …
• My ego enables me to write this blogpost; to reach out to you.
• My ego drives me forward to connect just as much as it can hold me back and keep me stuck.

So don’t let them bash your ego!

It is my firm belief that ego can help as much as hinder.

It is my firm belief that Ego and Spirituality can co-exist most happily. They can get alone just fine, walking hand-in-hand, side by side.

Yes, there is something important about ‘letting go’, relinquishing a desperate need for ‘control’ and to control …

There is something important about humility … and the hungry side of ego can get in the way of that. Sometimes a terrified ego will block out the very wisdom that you need to move you forward.

Sometimes ego will hold you bogged down in survivial. And sometimes ego is what will haul you into “thrival”.

From barely survive to flourish and thrive.

The ego can help you do both.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on Ego and how it has helped you and can help you. Please post your comments by clicking on the comment button. Ego and Onwards!

Happy Hols time

©Annie Wigman

Dancing to your own tune

My last post Who am I? struck quite a chord and one of my readers wrote and asked:

“how do you keep being you? …. sometimes I am very much me and other times a bit less … you know, ups and downs”

Yes,  I most certainly do know.

So, how to answer?

On the one hand there’s the question of  Who else could I be? Sound glib? Sound flippant? Sound like a statement of the bloomin obvious?

On the other hand, an instinctive retort of Who else could I be? fits the the ideal of being true to yourself, it also implies that we are static. It upholds the status quo, leaving no room for our development and growth.

Asking Who else could I be? also ignores the fact that, in the face of the challenges and curved balls that life can toss our way (alongside the triumphs and opportunities), we learn to censor, edit, limit what we show … we learn to adapt, conform, fit in, like it’s a matter of life and death.

It might bring us some short-term gain and a feeling of safety and self-protection.

But at what cost?

We yield, we submit, we let others govern our identity. And then we wonder why we get angry, feel frustrated, want to scream and shout and stamp our feet with righteous indignation. Or we may suffer a quieter sort of pain. A philosophical deep sigh of stoic resignation.

We might try a “reframe” and convince ourselves we’re simply being pragmatic, realistic, and have our feet planted firmly on the ground …

… At the same time we’ve clipped our wings …

And somewhere inside of us are embers which still smoulder, waiting for a fresh spark to bring our “full self” back to life. And somewhere on the cliff edge is a bird that’s poised to fly.

So, how do I keep being me in the face of all challenge and opposition? How can you keep being you?

Balance and the Win-Win

Firstly remember that we are individuals within a social system – and that being your true self might be won a baby-step at a time. It can take time for friends and loved ones and colleagues to adjust to the  newly emerging full-on “real me / real you”. And maybe you’ll find yourself moving towards new lakes and oceans. Maybe you’ll find a way to launch into being you big time all at once! We are all the same and we are all different so the rules aren’t set in stone.

In order to be true to you, you need to get really clear on who you are:

• What matters to you – what really matters – what do you want?
• What’s important to you?
• What do you care about?
• What do you value?
• What gift do you bring to the world?
• What’s negotiable and what’s a deal-breaker? What’s essential to have in place and what can ‘give’? Where lies the room for more leeway and flex?

Other things to consider:

• What support do you need?
• What pushes your buttons and what helps you transcend feelings of powerlessness and overwhelm?
• How can you harness your vulnerability to work for you instead of against you?
• Where’s the Win-Win located?
• Where lies your freedom?

Be tenacious and get connected

Tenacity is a wonderful trait  And connecting with the support of like-minded souls is wonderful nourishment to you body and soul of resilience. Being iconoclastic, non-conformist, a pioneer, whatever is one thing. Doing so utterly alone is quite another.

So find your “tribe” as they say. Find at least some place where you feel validated, supported, welcome, and not alone. Here’s where you can make your initial contribution. Here’s where you can build your strength and find your first core allies. Here’s your safe playground, your safe harbour. From here’s where you can develop, grow and expand.

It can be easy to feel that there is no-one else quite like us – ah, what’s the line of that song? “… please don’t let me be misunderstood …”

Yeah, sometimes we can feel like superheroes and sometimes we can feel like all the world’s against us. It isn’t … even if some of them are!

So Agata and all my friends here, I hope I’ve made a start at answering your questions. I’d be more than happy for you to post comment on the blog and keep coming with new questions!

And meanwhile, here’s a whimsical poem I penned for me and you …

It really never is to soon …

Hear my Vision, See my Voice

Taste the Rhythm of my Choice

And if you find you love my Stance

Then I invite you; take a Chance

It really never is too Soon

To start a Dance to your Own Tune

With love and courage

© Annie Wigman

So I’m lying here in this relaxed and reflective pose. And I’m thinking I LOVE this picture, it’s powerful, it’s sexy, soft and sensuous. There’s a touch of magical mischief going on here and I’m going to use this on my updated business cards and probably also on this blog.

And then somebody spoils my party and remarks: “I wonder just what business they’ll think you’re in then!” And for a little while I’m startled, shaken off balance, knocked of my happy perch.

I wobble. I waver. I delay.

And then something magical happens.  I catch a clip of “3 Foot Giant” Sean Stephenson on a video from an Engaged Entrepreneurs event run by Simple Wealth. And he said something like this:

“What other people think about you is none of your business … because it’s not about you, it’s about THEM.

It’s about what they would do if they were in your shoes – but they’re not ….”

And I felt renewed and refreshed. And I came right back on track to thinking about “Who am I, where am I going, and where lies my value?”

And I saw that there’s true value in that thar picture – and there’s something important about having the guts to put it out there – and see what happens …

I’ll be looking in more depth at these questions of “Who AM I? Where am I going? and Where lies my value?” in future posts.

Meanwhile I invite you to ask yourself, Who are You? Where are YOU going? and Where lies your Value?

With Love and Courage

© Annie Wigman

5 Ways to reducing worry & increasing clarity and well-being

Thinking can be bad for your health

“Mindfulness” meditations and being okay with vulnerability are great for vitality

Compare and contrast “I think therefore I am” with “I think it so therefore it IS …”

Compare and contrast “I have to be perfect … ” with “I am enough …”

Which would you rather wake up to in the morning? Or the middle of the night?

Anxiety is a horrible thing. It’s unpleasant. It’s exhausting. And it sends all kinds of harmful chemicals and negative energy coursing through your body.

So why do we waste so much time on anxiety, on worry?

Because we think too much!

Or at least because we believe that if we think it, it must be true … and that this truth is a singular truth. It’s signed an exclusive deal. It gets sole billing. There’s no room for any other view.

And all the worry, all the anxiety, all the angst gangs up against us and brings us down. It stops us in our tracks. It clouds our vision. Restricts our view. It paralyses us, makes us defensive, shuts us down.

In a pea-souper fog of endless worry, creativity  struggles to breathe. Relationships don’t fair too well either …

So, what can we do to reclaim our clarity, well-being & inner peace?

1) Permit and be okay with Vulnerability

The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown on TED.com is a funny, illuminating and deeply touching video. I won’t spoil it by telling you all she finds as I recommend you watch it through (it’s less than 20 minutes of your life). If you reckon that vulnerability sucks, then check this out!

2) Seek alternative yet equally true points of truth

Seeking and testing out new perspectives with a coach is great for this and, if you don’t yet have a coach, I’d recommend you get one.

For some work you can do on your own with this, engaging in The Work from Byron Katie could lay a great foundation. BK’s The Work and her book “Loving what Is” help you explore whether the truth you hold – the thought that you hold to be true – is the ONLY truth that’s true for you, even if it’s making you horribly unhappy.

What else might be equally true for you? Equally true and more supportive and beneficial?

Who would you be / how would your life – your experience of life – be different without that thought which gives you so much strife and bother?

3) Get ‘Mindful’ – Give yourself the gift of a 10 minute Mindfulness meditation

I came across this just the other week on the BBC. Breakfast telly does have some benefit after all! BBC Breakfast ran a week long Happiness Challenge which included a Mindfulness Meditation with Andy Puddicombe of Headspace.

The particular beauty of this is that it does not require any kind of religious or spiritual leanings. You can be avowedly secular and still find Mindfulness accessible. It’s accessible to the spiritual and the secular alike.

Ten minutes of focusing on the moment, the body, the breathing, the sounds, the senses provide a glorious oasis for the mind. It calms you down it helps you to realise that a thought is just a thought, not some big huge deal. It can’t change our circumstances – but it can bring you the clarity and calmness to interpret and deal with those circumstances better.

They even did the science bit with brain scans showing the difference between people who meditate and those who do not. I’ve started doing the daily Take 10 – just sign up (it’s FREE) and the link to that day’s meditation comes into your inbox.

4) If you prefer a spiritual twist, check out the Remembrance

Remembrance is another daily practice that you can do – for as little or as long as you like. So far I can manage about 5-7 minutes. You can find it at Business Heart from Mark Silver. I have to admit I find the Headspace secular versions more natural – nevertheless I’ve come to some amazing insights and learnings from the Remembrance.

5) Engage a Coach!

Yeah I mentioned it in passing a little earlier – and now I’m laying it on the line. That feedback, that focused caring and time and attention from a trained coach can be invaluable. It’s like the glue that pulls all the rest of it together and helps you to create a whole that’s greater than the sum of all its parts.

A coach who “gets” you is an investment worth way more than gold.

So there you have it:

5 Ways to reducing worry & increasing clarity and well-being

Much love and worry-free:  you are enough

© Annie Wigman

If you the information here useful, please pass it on to your friends. I don’t have a form here for you to subscribe to email updates. That is a work in progress. Meanwhile if you would like to join my mailing list you can always email me at annie@anniewigman.com with “SUBSCRIBE” in the subject line.

I’d love to hear how you get on with these 5 ways forwards – so please do leave a comment. I will respond!

And I invite you to ‘like’ Annie Wigman Coaching on Facebook. Making it easy for you with one-click links is another improvement on its way

Festival of chocolate dreams 

Update on Annie’s Stall at “Choc-Fest” and the merits of doing things YOUR way

Friday December 10th was day one of the 2010 winter Chocolate Festival on Southbank  Centre Square. The day coach Annie shifted mode into stallholder Chocolatier Annie … since she is both Coach and Chocolatier!

My abiding memory of the day – apart from the twin thrills of earning money for my wares and getting great feedback on the flavours – was how cold it was! Brrrr the biting icy wind that bore and tore deep into my core  … and left me just a few days later with a fever and the flu – the legacy of which I still bear with an everlasting cough and annoying fatigue.

To counter that – on a far more positive note! - are the heart and soul warming memories of the great support I received from my coach, my housemates, my family, colleagues and friends.

Support spanned investing monies in Annie’s Choc-Fest Fund to help with the gamut of upfront start-up costs, coaching me through crises of overwhelm and logistical jumble-brain, practical help with getting the precious chocs into pretty packaging – and helping me transport it all to the Southbank, helping me with selling on the stall – standing with me me in the icy chill, compiling spreadsheets and figures, coming down to the market and handing over money for my almond and truffle-icious delights – and generally keeping me going in the long hours of prep and the nail-biting moments like when the packaging I wanted was out of stock – and that the bad weather meant the suppliers might not be able to transport anything out of their depots in time …

So yeah, I’m “nuts about chocolate” – and there were a whole pic ‘n mix vat of decisions driving me nuts. What about the pricing? What about the marketing? Do I have a clear enough USP? How many / how much chocolate should I make? With limited capacity, time and budget, How much CAN I make? How long will I need to make enough to last 9 hours? How many people will come to my stall? Will anyone buy from me, a relative unknown, amid Master Chocolatiers and high profile brand names (all high end quality of course, not your average high street candy bar).

The Choc-Fest wasn’t wasn’t easy … it was cold and I was as nervous as I was excited … I was in at the deep end (plus ca change!) I didn’t make a profit in financial terms but I did learn heaps. And I DID make sales. Different buyers had different favourites. I got great feedback and, most of all, against all the odds and anxieties – I DID it!

So why write about this in a coaching blog? What’s it got to do with Permission to be YOU?

Well because I’m a both coach and a chocolatier … and received wisdom is you can’t run two different business at once and focus sufficiently on either of them.

And you know what? Received wisdom it may be, and in many cases, “right” wisdom too. But it isn’t the right wisdom for me … I love being able to weave around and through two strands. It’s the right fit for me to flit so. To butterfly and flutter by – and pass sweet nectar between both.

It may be contra-indicatory. It may be iconoclastic. It may be going against the grain. But it swims with the grain for me …. it’s right Wiggi Way for me …

I found a fabulous quote from broadcaster Janet Street-Porter earlier in the week that makes me grin every time I see it and repeat it. Her manifesto is, “There are two ways of doing things, my way or the wrong way.” I know just what she means!

So, I invite you to take a deep breath, make some sacred space for yourself and allow yourself to discover and reveal what’s right for YOU?

Good luck!

© Annie Wigman