FAQS

The Q&A bit

Do I have to be an HSP to feel at home here?

No. It helps but is not essential. This is a space for you if you often feel like a square peg in round hole – and what to build a life that’s a better fit for you. Being an HSP, introvert or “quiet” creative, you most likely do feel the “ouch!” of square peg in round hole syndrome and you want get out to somewhere more comfortable!

 

I’ve experienced a lot of stress as an HSP – how can coaching help me overcome the challenges and thrive?

From Understanding to Accepting to Harnessing to Asset

The initial discovery that you are an HSP can be so comforting. To finally have a context to understand your life and why you seem to react to things the way that you do – that isn’t always understood by those around you.

So you start learning more and boom! Phase two can take you into panic …. There’s that sense of “okay, so I’m an HSP – now what. If we are so different from the norm, how on earth am I going to get my needs me and get on in life?”

Coaching helps you work and move through this blip stage where you know you’ve got a journey to take but you’re not sure on your own how to make it.

With the support of your coach comes phase 3 and beyond – seeing yourself and your sensitivity as a highly prized Asset that you can leverage to ask for what you want and get your needs met.

How?

From gaining clarity on your unique contribution – your unique combination of qualities, skills, attributes, talents, desires, preferences, passions – and needs, you can start to map out and put in place your recipe for self-care, self-compassion, self-understanding, self-acceptance and self-love. You have skills and qualities you can maximize and harness to great effect.

Clued-up on the positives of high sensitivity and what you offer, as well as the challenges and what you want and need, comes a time where you can see your sensitivity – and yourself – as a valuable and wonderful Asset.

 

I’m highly sensitive and I already value myself …. What’s hear for me?

If you’re happy with your life and you’re drawn to read this, your intuition may be telling you that someone you love could benefit from support and learning more …

Are outwardly successful yet feel somehow dissatisfied and yearn for more? For a better fit than you’ve carved out on your own – or a leadership role where you can find space, purpose and place to make a difference – this IS a space for you too.

I have a passion to help bring about cultural changes that will raise awareness and tolerance of the needs of HSPs which, in time, should make life a lot more tolerable!If you’d like to join me in this quest, I’d love to hear from you and connect.

 

What impact might my childhood have made on my life as an HSP?

Research has shown that HSPs who had supportive parenting or other solid care-giving in childhood tend to fare well in adult life – often better than average.

In contrast, HSPs who lacked encouragement and a secure attachment with at least one adult caregiver during childhood, may well have suffered a lot of early trauma and be predisposed to repeated and deeply felt traumatic experiences in adult life.

Trauma and high sensitivity can exacerbate each other and HSPs traumatised during childhood can struggle in adult life, showing a tendency to under achieve, undervalue themselves and under earn. That said, it’s noted that HSPs who seek help respond well.

 

What’s the difference (or overlap) between coaching and therapy?

My answer is that there are differences and areas of overlap. A typical answer is to assert that therapy is about the past and coaching is about the present and future.

I prefer to see “therapy” (especially regarding full on psychoanalytic psychotherapy) as having a focus towards Understanding and coaching having a focus towards incorporating Understanding into Action. Some therapies do more than raise insight and understanding alone and some coaches don’t like to delve much into feelings.

 

Would therapy or coaching suit me better?

If you want to understand yourself better and leave it there – without pressure to act on the new insight or make changes in your life, then therapy might be a better fit for you.

If you are suffering from a deep depression and are contemplating harming yourself or suicide, then definitely therapy or your doctor is the place to seek support.

To understand yourself better and you are ready to move towards a life of greater choice, satisfaction and fulfillment where what you DO is aligned with who you ARE, I’d opt for coaching.

In coaching you do not spend years analysing your past – and investing some time exploring your past with a coach will help you understand your present attitudes, assumptions, motivations, barriers and beliefs – and make appropriate and changes.

If you’ve tried and tried and it isn’t working, it can be worthwhile to undertake foundational work with a therapist in advance, or alongside coaching.

  • Coaching will help you to clarify who you are, what you bring, what matters to you, your values set, your dreams, desires and wish-lists – and your sabotaging structures.
  • You get to acknowledge the past and to see what in there has been stopping you from moving forward in the now – and deal with it so you can move into the future.
  • For clients who want help releasing traumas but don’t need full blown psychotherapy, I might suggest techniques such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique or “tapping” as it’s also known).
  • If you long for fast-track goal-focused, performance based coaching, then my approach is probably not for you!
  • If you long for an intellectually agile and empathetic thinking partner to run ideas by, who understands the importance of precious time and space to think and reflect – and who can call upon sensitive intuition to sense “what lies beneath” and hold you safe and accountable as you move forward to a life of greater satisfaction, leadership and making a difference, then I would love to work with you and be by your side as you grow.

 

I’m scared of overwhelm if I leave my comfort zone – how can I progress?

Growth and change inevitably require stretching beyond existing comfort zones into areas of temporary discomfort. This can be a red flag for the highly sensitive in that what may be uncomfortable yet tolerable for a non-HSP can feel like torture for a highly sensitive person.

And sometimes it’s anticipation that’s the true troublemaker … To enact change you will have to negotiate obstacles and blocks and possible climb some mountains.

I will support you with strategies for managing and moderating discomfort and remind of your WHY to help keep you on your paths. I will hold and challenge you with empathy, compassion and a deep understanding of the HSP context.

 

What can I do to help myself when my coach is not by my side?

The power of Self-Care
Being kind to yourself is key. It doesn’t always come easy – but believe me, it’s worth it.

Self-care, Self-Compassion, Self-Acceptance help towards shifting from an “arrgh, help!” phase of discovering you’re an HSP into a new mode where you haul yourself out of the hell-pit (if you are in one!), up onto hope-hill. Here you learn to view yourself as an Asset – and get to reap the rewards.

So, do your best to take a break, get some downtime and alone-time, to discharge and recharge.

  • Find a beach, a park or some countryside and take a wander in nature
  • Meander through the forest of your imagination and inner dreamscape – and BE yourself
  • In a Mindful way, listen to the birds sing, look at the colour of the flowers
  • Cook, paint, write, sing, dance, meditate – whatever you need – and
  • Seek out a community of people who understand you, respect you – and cherish you

 

I don’t like structure but I need better boundaries – what can I do?

Check in with yourself about structure … Some structure (not too constrict ting, I hear you) is likely beneficial even if the thought of it makes you shudder. Structure (which can have a loose weave) helps with boundary-setting, decision-making and limiting burn-out.  Match it to your values.

 

I need more control to get my needs met – what do I do?

I get it. You want the noise turned down, the aggression toned down and the pressure to perform turned off. And you can’t always control what’s going on around you or be free to move away.

Not everyone is bothered by the noise or the busyness …. or whatever stimuli affect you – and it’s important to keep that in mind. Making other people “wrong” will not endear them to you or encourage them to make things easier for you.

Learning to respond rather than “react” – to do your best to stay calm will help you to communicate effectively and frame a way to ask for what you want that gets you what you need. Build in structures and strategies for self-care to limit distress meanwhile.

And of course, all this is done more easily and effectively with the help of yours truly as your Coach ….!