Who decides what’s right?

IMG-20151022-WA0001Decisions, Decisions. Who decides what decision is the right one for us?

People love to help. People love to advise. People love to caution. People love to encourage. People love to criticise. People love to build you up. People love to cut you down. People give you answers that would have you live their lives, fulfill their, as yet, unrealised ambitions. People give you answers that reflect their fears … and the list could go on.

So how, in all this forest of advice can you know what’s right for you? And how can you deal with a change of mind later on when you have the benefit of hindsight and personal experience to call on?

Last time I wrote (in early October 2015) I had just made a huge transition in my life. I had newly emigrated from my homeland – the land of my birth to my other homeland – the land of my people.

WP_20160204_16_43_10_ProOne of the strange paradoxes of winter in Tel Aviv is that of putting on more clothes to wear indoors than outside. Outside could be anything from 17 to 26 degrees (yes even in February) – warmer than many a summer’s day in England.

But indoors, especially on days when the sun doesn’t shine, and at nights when the sun’s gone down, with stone floors, no central heating, no heavy curtains, carpets, no double glazing, old buildings hurriedly thrown up on the 1950s and designed largely with hot summers in mind, and often riddled with damp, indoors in the winter it is FREEZING.

Indoors you may well need sweaters and coats and thick boots and scarves. And hot tea. And you’ll still be cold. And then you go outside and Ooooof need to take that coat off and oh those boots and those cosy socks feel too warm and constricting around your feet. It’s bizarre. It’s all upside down and back-t0-front compared to what you’re used to.

Or, to be more precise, compared to what I am used to.

Because I knew this would be the case (I have been here in winter before) and decided to come here anyway. And I also knew that, despite the sunshine and the sea, this is not always an easy place to live.

For some people this land is the only place they would consider to be their true home. For them the decision is simple. No matter what, despite any and or all hardships, discomforts and challenges and financial or social or cultural constraints that may come their way, living here is their dream, their destiny, their only right decision. They have a certainty, a depth of faith and commitment such that nothing could put them off or make them deviate from this path they have chosen.

Others find it all a bit too much. Family and Finance. In general, whilst incomes here may be generous compared to Eastern Europe, they are low compared to the UK or US and prices are high. Without a partner or family and/or without a significantly well funded bank balance, or the energy and stamina of youthful blag and bravado, life here can be exhausting and start to feel like a challenge too far.

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WP_20160204_13_17_05_ProWhy am I writing all this? Because I am unsure. I am certain that what I did was brave. Maybe courageous. Maybe foolhardy. But at the time it was the right thing. I had to do it for me, regardless of the people who wished to encourage and the people who wishes to dissuade and deter. And now?

Now maybe I’ve reached another of those fork in the road moments. My decisions, my choices might have consequences that will be logistical nightmares. Temporarily. Or bring financial or social and emotional hardship. Temporarily? Permanently? In service of….?

In service of what? This is one of the key questions to get clear on when making major decisions. Then trust your intuition to help guide you through the maze of decisions large and small.

WP_20160204_17_12_39_ProThe jury is still out on where my future lies. But coming here has been an incredible voyage of discovery and learning about what really matters to me. Where are the boundaries and where is the room for flex.

Becoming clear, being clear and being able to stand in your choices, even if you change your mind are of immense value and will most likely save you from agonies of angst. Your way to clarity on what matters to you, your boundaries and your areas of flexibility may be different to mine.

I would love to hear some ways that you have become more clear on what matters to you and the challenges you have faced along the way. Feel free to let us all know in the comments below.

And be true to you.

 

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